Have you ever wanted to just let it all hangout? Cast off your masks and truly stand naked before the world?

I find it so interesting how one of the oldest stories in humanity is about eating some fruit and then being afraid of our own nakedness. What the hell is that about?

Why nakedness?

Why be afraid of being seen naked instead of being afraid of what we actually did which was ignore God’s warning not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of “good and evil”?

Why did sin cause us to fear our own humanity?

Nakedness.

What if I were to stand naked before you? What would happen if I showed you who I truly am?

You’d be horrified…Or so that’s what my mind says.

It says I wouldn’t be good enough. I wouldn’t be cool enough, not smart enough, not disciplined enough, not hardworking enough, not unique enough to share who I really am with you. I wouldn’t be liked, I would be bad, hypocritical and arrogant.

But maybe I would be powerful beyond comprehension…No, people wouldn’t be able to handle me, they would cringe in fear at the things I would say. They would recoil and friends would leave. I would burn this place to the ground.

I would destroy all darkness in my path, and those around me would be transformed or killed. Not by my hand, but by my very presence.

What if I started sharing everything with you?

How I’ve watched porn most of my life and still turn to it when things are dark. How part of me wishes never to do it again, and part of me never wishes to stop.

How I’ve been afraid of not being liked, or even worse, be seen as bad.

How part of me thinks I’ll never be the man I truly wish to be.

How I often don’t feel worthy of my own Love.

And at the same time how I think I’m better than you. Smarter, Cooler, and more fortunate.

How I can’t help but feel I’m special.

How I’ve got it all figured out, and everyone else is insane…and at the same time, I often wonder what I’m doing here.

How the physical world perplexes me, how it pains me, and how I’m always searching for the cheat codes to life.

What if I told you that I’ve spent YEARS searching for the TRUTH, what is actually REAL, because I am so tired of all of the hypocritical bullshit that this world presents.

How I hate “christianity”. In fact I despise it. It’s disgusting. A group of people claiming to believe in something they don’t. Claiming “we have the answer”.

You all claim to follow Jesus. Bullshit. You have no idea what it means to follow Jesus. 

The truth is I’ve spent years. Searching, hiding, and searching again. I’ve been running from Him forever because I could never live up to his teachings. NEVER. I have absolutely no ability to be like Him. None. Whatsoever. So how could I claim to believe in Him? HOW?

How could I associate myself with those “christians”. Hell no. They’re all insane. They have no idea what it means to embody Jesus’ love. And you know what?

Neither do I.

I am so unwilling to surrender to The Truth because it’s so stupidly simple, there is no complex set of rules that need to be followed. It’s just there. It’s right….there…. I’ve been staring at it my whole life. In fact I’ve BEEN it my whole life. But for some reason I’m so often unwilling to see it.

Why?

Because if I accept the Truth then I actually have to Love my neighbour. No not just the one down the street. But the one sitting as close as humanly possible. The one who whispers lies in my head. The one who steals my life. The one who fears death and simultaneously wishes for it. The part of me that wants to drag me back down to hell.

Listen….you have no idea what it means to love your neighbour. If you did, you would be absolutely otherworldly.

As Christ said to his disciples, “These infants being suckled are like those who enter the kingdom.” They said to Him, “Shall we then, as children, enter the kingdom?”

Then Jesus said to them, “When you make the two one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the above like the below, and when you make the male and the female one and the same, so that the male not be male nor the female; and when you fashion eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, and a likeness in place of a likeness; then will you enter the kingdom.”

It’s you. You must learn to love you. You do not know Love. You who claim to “know”. You who claim to know what Love is have put God in a box. And that box will be your Hell.

So that’s it. I’ve had it. No more hiding. No more standing on the Goddamn fence. I’m here. Naked. And yes, tomorrow I will be hiding behind clothes again. I will continue to lie, hate, despise and kill. For it is my nature.

It is also my nature to Love. To create. To burn a HOLE IN THE DARKNESS. To stand naked before you, so that you too have the courage to be naked.

We cannot let the light fall upon us without first taking our clothes off. Stand with me. Stand in the light, let it transform you. Yes it will burn, it’s supposed to. But the warmth is like nothing you’ve ever felt before.

Do you know the only thing that has brought me freedom? The Truth. No not the truth you find in a book, or a church. But THE ACTUAL TRUTH. And lemme tell you. The Truth is not the knowledge of good and evil… It doesn’t fit inside your mind. And when you touch it, it burns, it burns so hot and bright, that nothing else compares.

So here we go, I’ll start with what I’ve been hiding…

I am a “christian”, the fake kind. One who espouses hyprocracy. One who claims to know but does not. I am naked. I have nothing to give but to stand naked before you.

So here I am. 

Where is my Cross?

–

Thank you Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Thank you. Thank you for showing me who I really am. Thank you for being so confusing. Thank you for your patience, compassion, and absolutely terrifying Love. Thank you for reaching your hand into the darkness and touching my heart. Because until I met you, I was helpless. Here I am. Fully and completely. With the complete and utter inability to say these words and mean them. Had you not come to Earth I shudder at the thought of where we might be.

God, help me show them who You are. Yes You….Not me. I would rather stay hidden. Hidden in the darkness. Hidden behind my Filthy Rags…

——

P.S.

• I’ve been sitting on whether to post the above words for days, because I don’t want people to think that I’m depressed, or angry, or someone who doesn’t know anything, especially now that I’m a Life Coach….I’ve got to be perfect now….right? The Truth is, I don’t want to be seen, I’d much rather stay in the darkness….but…even more so than that, I want to shatter your mask and let the light in. And if I’m not willing to be vulnerable, how can I ask you to be?
• I also want to make it clear that many of my friends are Christians, and I deeply Love and respect them…this was not meant to be a judgement of any individual but merely to authentically share my thoughts of what it means to be a “christian”.
• Some of you may wonder if I’ve flipped my lid? Well maybe. But certainly no more than I’ve always had it flipped. And if you’re worried about my well-being, I would actually say overall I am at one of the most peaceful and enjoyable times in my life. And if you’re tempted to judge, look inside at yourself…would you not say similar things if you were honest?
• When I speak of killing and burning, I am of course speaking metaphorically…don’t call the cops please 😉

 

I’ll leave you with this quote:

“One must learn to speak the truth.

This may sound strange to you.  It may seem to you that it is enough to wish or to decide to do so. 

But it isn’t.

People comparatively rarely tell a deliberate lie.  In most cases they actually think they speak the truth.  Yet they lie all the time—both when they wish to lie and when they wish to speak the truth.  They lie all the time—both to themselves and to others.

Therefore nobody ever understands either himself or anyone else.

Think about it—could there be such discord, such deep misunderstanding, such animosity and hatred towards the views and opinions of others, if people were able to understand one another? 

Of course not.

So people cannot understand because they cannot help lying.

To speak the truth is the most difficult thing in the world; and one must study a great deal and for a long time in order to be able to speak the truth.  —The wish alone is not enough.

To speak the truth one must know what the truth is and what a lie is, and first of all in oneself.

And this nobody wants to know.” – G.I. Gurdjieff